Needing Her
by DeltaLutra
Summary: Sam/Janet Sam's thinking about her again


Title: Needing Her Author: Deltachild Rating: PG-13 Pairing: Sam/Janet Spoilers: None Summary: Sam has a lot of UST, but does Janet? Author Notes: I needed to write something to suit my mood :)  
  
When she is in the room, she is the only person there. She holds me captivated, trapped. Only when she leaves do I become myself again.  
  
Her every move enthrals me, thrills me, hold's me. What I would give to move with her. To join her in an endless dance. To set her soul aflame. Just to touch her, not the clinical touch our relationship dictates, but with the touch of a lover. To feel her glide against me...  
  
She has the most beautiful eyes. Dark shining orbs, which betray nothing and hold the promise of everything.  
  
My own eyes caress the curves of her body, the way my hands would love to. They linger on every part of her, drinking her in.  
  
I love her smiles. The small, hurried ones, the ones of success and the secret ones she does to herself. Most of all I love her smile of utter happiness. The one that spreads across her face, touching every feature. There is another a smile, but I've only ever seen it in my dreams. A smile of contentment, showing from under ruffled hair, a result of our love- making.  
  
I've dreamed of kissing those lips. Tracing them with my fingertips, covering them with my own, feeling them move against me. For her mouth to open and our tongues to meet...  
  
Even her scent calls to me. It is the sweetest poison. A heady mix which overpowers and intoxicates me.  
  
Everything about her makes me love her. Not just her physical beauty, but just who she is. I see it in the way she treats her patients, and in the fierce love she has for her daughter. The way she occasionally falters and has to pick herself up again.  
  
I don't just want her, I need her. I crave her. I long to possess and fulfil her. I would give myself to her forever. I hunger to feel her skin pressed to mine. To cover every part of her with my lips. To taste her.  
  
When she looks at me I bask under her gaze, and I squirm inside when she touches me, if only for an instant. Each moment flies with her and crawls without. Conversations over in a matter of moments, are replayed dozens of times.  
  
I hate it when she suffers, when she is in pain. Although she is a private person, I know when she is hurting. I'm always there, as a friend, nothing more. I can't help it, when I hold her as she cries, I don't want it to be in her office, but in our bed soothing her to sleep. I want to take away her tears with my lips, not my sleeve, and keep them at bay with the happiness we could have.  
  
I'm so scared of losing all this, I couldn't live without it. I almost kissed her again today. She was so close, pushed there by some hurried nurse. Her face was mere inches from mine. Her scent enveloped me, making me feel as though I was swimming through treacle. I had been leaning in closer, transfixed, hypnotised, helpless, when she caught her balance and moved back.  
  
I feel so guilty hiding this part of me from her, but what else can I do? I don't even think she has ever seen me that way. Am I just 'Sam' in her eyes? I can't escape this situation, and I've thought about it for so long. There's nothing stopping me from going to her office right now and dipping her into a kiss full of my love. Nothing that is apart from the USAF, and so many other things.  
  
She hurt herself today...not badly. She slipped on something and fell. She only has a bruise on her cheek and a scratch on her jaw-line, but my heart still leapt with fear for her.  
  
Some day's I feel as though there is something wrong with me, that I am sick. I feel ashamed and dirty when I wake with her name upon my lips.  
  
If I told her would she turn away in disgust? Would I be forever tainted in her eyes? Would she hate me for what I am? Would I repulse her? Or would my desires be met? I want to rip of this mask and show her.  
  
The harsh call of the telephone plucks me out of my thoughts and deposits me back in reality. It's General Hammond requesting my presence in the briefing room.  
  
As I wait for the lift, my thoughts automatically wander back to her. The lift arrives, the doors open, and I almost forget to breath. Yeah, this is going to be fun, trapped in a lift with the woman I have been thinking about for the past hour, who has no idea how I feel.  
  
"Hey Sam"  
  
"Hey! Have you been summoned as well?" She smiles at this.  
  
"Yup"  
  
I step in the lift and the doors close. I stand there twiddling with the corner of my sleeve.  
  
"You alright?" She asks.  
  
Eeep!  
  
"Yeah, just thinking"  
  
"Oooh deep thoughts!" If only she knew...  
  
The lift stops at the next floor, a team of SF's enter along with SG-6 and Siler with a MALP. Janet and I shift around the lift to make some room. Somehow I end up pressed almost face to face with her. The heat of her body, even through our clothes, is burning me.  
  
She smiles up at me, "Little cosy huh?"  
  
Desperately trying to hide just how euphoric I'm feeling, I manage to give her a smile. She starts talking about something, normally I would be listening avidly but I can't get my thoughts away from our current position.  
  
As she is talking a strand of hair falls across her face. Without thinking I reach and tuck it behind her ear. My fingers of their own accord trail down her face, stopping at her cut. She has stopped talking.  
  
"Ouch", I whisper. Then I suddenly realise what I am doing, and freeze. I lift my gaze from the cut, to her eyes. There's something there which I have never seen before. They are darkening either with desire (oh how I wish) or something else. I want to lean down and pull those lips into a searing kiss. I know I can't. The lift stops and I am aware of people beginning to exit, I let my hand fall and take a step back. Janet takes the step back towards me, leans close to my ear and whispers.  
  
"You could always kiss it better for me," she draws back quickly, sticks her tongue out and walks out of the lift.  
  
I'm stunned. She must have been joking. She has to have been joking. What?  
  
I step out of the lift before the doors close and wander towards the briefing room. I don't know what to think, except that a new card may have just been put down on the table, but I don't think I know how to play this game. 


End file.
